Charlie Tu Drinks Too
March 10, 2010 by gambypantsWell, Charlie Is A Robot Already
March 10, 2010 by gambypantsCharlie Tu is re-thinking his Japanese roots (1/4!) and trying out next year for Japan’s show Ultra Series, in pig suit.
War Is Unforeseeable
March 5, 2010 by gambypants
It’s A Snow Day New York
February 26, 2010 by gambypantsBut Charlie Tu still has time to eat (Seafood Pan Fried Noodle –Huzzah!) and get some exercise.
Whatever
February 24, 2010 by gambypants
AZN Babies Look Better In Anime Outfits
February 18, 2010 by gambypants
Charlie’s mom used to make these outfits for him when he was bad –that and she taped his eyelids open. But now you can buy them for your white babies to make him or her or zhe adorable. BANDAI!
“STYLE”（スタイル)
While Charlie Tu Sleeps, Pandas Play On Rocking Horses
February 9, 2010 by gambypants
When You’ve Had Too Many Tacos Eat A Quail Egg
January 27, 2010 by gambypantsCharlie Tu is in Los Angeles capital of Mexicanistan to pay tribute to tanning, tits, and tacos. Tacos in the morning. Tacos in the evening. Tacos after an eight ball. He’s wiped out. So last night he resorted to his gourmet (NYC) tastes in which he feasted on dish of Duck confit salad with endive and poached quail egg. This is called “taco” in Los Angeles.
He Can Cook When He Wants
January 15, 2010 by gambypantsCharlie Tu is away from New York. His mother missed coddling his rump Azn ass so he took off for his homeless shelter origins in Seattle for a vacanza. Whilst there he’s realizing he can cook using more than just salt and eggs. Last night/morning/now(?) he made a dish of chives, dried tomatoes, eggs, broccoli and green beans. FIVE FLAVOR NOTES. Does anyone know what this is called in New York?
Hiiiiiiiiiii, it’s an Explosion in Xie Xie’s Pants!
January 8, 2010 by schnufflesalphonse
The bomb in Charlie’s pants is on the other side. And it’s made of poo.
Unless you count flat-ironing his hair, Charlie has never had an actual job or done anything economically productive in his entire life. Somehow though, he is friends with responsible employed people. “FRIENDS,” REALLY? NO ONE THAT THE FACT CHECKING DEPARTMENT CONTACTED WOULD CONFIRM. – ed.
One of them, a junior vice president for oils, salads and dressings at a $5 billion media company in midtown, invited Charlie for lunch yesterday and for reasons untold, he had to cancel.
THIS SAVED CHARLIE’S LIFE.
‘Why,’ you ask, gentle readers? Because that day it was ordered shut down by the United States Department of Health and Microwave Ovens. LIGHTEN UP ON THE 30 ROCK JOKES. IT MAKES YOU LOOK CHEAP. – ed. If Charlie’s sources in the building are correct, and they probably are, almost 56K people have been sent to the hospital with bleedy diarrhea. CAN YOU THINK OF A LESS OFFENSIVE WORD THAN THE BIG D. IT’S SO… MESSY. – ed.
Anyway, he narrowly escaped a bloody rectum — only to put himself in harm’s way again and again this weekend at the man bars. Zing. WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT CHEAP. THIS ISN’T A WOMAN’S MAGAZINE; CLEAN IT UP. – ed.
CharlieTuEats.ORG
January 8, 2010 by gambypantsHey nerds. While we neglected this site someone slipped through WordPress security and somehow hijacked our original .com URL. Who would do such a thing? Is there really another Azn boy out there like Charlie who likes to eat and cock around and needs to blog about it? Fu*kt up. And scary.
Of course WordPress saved faced and called this “a very rare occurrence…due to a malfunction in the code right at the time [we] tried to renew in October… [They were] so sorry to have to tell [us] this news!!.” That said, in return they left us with a crummy .org only to be banished amongst not-for-profit, NGO, and governmental websites. We don’t feel very special anymore.
notes
December 31, 2009 by gambypants
Frashback! Charlie Goes To School
October 22, 2009 by schnufflesalphonse
“I keep getting a boner in class. Its (sic) really annoying and potentially embarrasing (sic) considering second part of final is presentation.”
- Text message from Charlie a year ago today
Do You Really Know About His Food?
October 21, 2009 by gambypantsPOLITICAL OPINION ALERT: Charlie Tu finds it insulting that a “country” with a dismal Human Rights record would spend its time and money on a blah issue such as Food Safety for kids. Is this really a top concern, comrades? The country of course is China, and its ads from the Beijing Women & Children’s Development Foundation are horrific. Such a nightmare. Baby Charlie Tu dreamt this once when his family was still trapped in the old country in which he too fed on pizza slices topped with shards of glass and hamburgers as scorpion bugs. In the dream however the snowman in a french fry bush didn’t cry for Charlie. He just laughed and laughed and laughed. Like we do now.
“Is his world really safe?”
Umami Is Delicious
October 20, 2009 by gambypantsCharlie Tu has decided that umami (旨味) a basic taste characterized as “tasty”, “brothy”, “meaty” a/k/a MSG is his new favorite seasoning and has thus retired salt as his flavor companion to every dish. CANCER!
Commentary of the Day via Facebook re “Umami”
Me So Racist
October 14, 2009 by schnufflesalphonseCharlie discovered yet another reason to look in the mirror and cry: a comic strip that ran in newspapers nationwide from the 1920s to the 1980s starring a fortune-cookie-spouting ethnic stereotype named Ching Chow. Mr. Ching was based on Charlie’s great-grandfather, an immigrant whose calligraphy skills secured him a modest job as an assistant colorist at the Himmler comic syndicate in Chicago.
According to unsubstantiated family lore, Charlie’s grandfather submitted a proposal for an illustrated version of the Tao Te Ching, a sacred 1,500-year-old text that forms the basis for several religions. His white employer was so taken with the proposal that he commissioned instead a white man with little talent and even less imagination to take up his pen to convey the true Chinese experience. Hence, Ching Chow:
Doesn’t this just perfectly communicate the wisdom and mystery of our fine Oriental brothers?
Refill Required
October 8, 2009 by gambypantsIf Charlie Tu had to raise any terror alert it would be for an empty coffee cup. Never forget! Thankfully some savvy t-shirt designer has come up with something to help.
CHOEBOT
October 8, 2009 by gambypantsMeet David Choe. His new AZN superhero (Korean vampire?) is inspiration for Charlie Tu’s upcoming Spring 2010 fashions, sans the cleavage. Like Charlie she is a street-walker whose favorite color is fuchsia. Her phobias include Persians and parsnip and her powers: breaking hearts and powerful Donkey Punch. Has this designer been reading Charlie Tu’s diary? Check out more here.
Puppy Burrito
October 7, 2009 by gambypants
Markt Table
October 7, 2009 by gambypantsOh Hi! Charlie Tu’s new job has perks. His boss lady, aka, ‘Charlie you need to pick up lunch’ is taking him to Market Table with one of their artist clients. (He works with the avant-garde.) Market Table is known for its hamburgers and Charlie Tu is amped to eat one. We did a Google fact check of the “hamburger” and found that it’s some sort of sandwich consisting of a cooked patty of ground beef placed in an open bun or between two slices of bread. Say what? I hope Charlie can handle it.
